i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
