i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
