im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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