They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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