I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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