i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
