I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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