totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
