even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
