Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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