Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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