Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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