you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
