i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
