there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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