So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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