oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
