Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I will die if light touches me.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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