LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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