I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
