walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Randomize
