you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
