I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
