you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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