you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
