I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
