I love black thongs
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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