Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
3pm strippers are depressing
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
