do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
