I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
