I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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