I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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