tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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