And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
my liver is dry heaving
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
