we have officially lost it.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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