Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
