can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
