every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
