i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
