The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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