Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
