At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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