absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
