Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
