My hair reeks of homosexuality.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
