No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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