I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
