hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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