So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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