We got so high we made milksteak
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
