my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
