Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
