Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
