Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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