remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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