i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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