dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
