i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
