I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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