I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
